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The combination of scent and touch is extremely effective in opening up intimacy between two people. That's basically how we communicate love in an effective way, a way that doesn't involve having to discuss the subject a great deal. It also works wonderfully on a basic physical level. There are a lot of nerve endings that follow along the path of the spine. As you massage, your touch brings the blood to the surface, you speed the absorption of the oils into the skin, and you also bring up the level of oxytocin, the hormone needed in high levels for the process of sexual arousal.
Massage is an especially good thing for men to focus on. Women often need the kind of attention it gives them o feel comfortable with proceeding on to more intimate activities. The nurturing, caring-for aspect of romance is extremely important between two people. You will have more interesting and intense erotic experiences if you're involved on all levels with each other. And touch and scent are the best ways of really opening some of those deeper levels.
A backrub is something that everyone can relate to positively and that's a good place to start. Using oils will make it quite a different, and far more exciting, experience.
Begin the massage with a small amount of your chosen aromatherapy oil, just a teaspoon or so. Rub the oil in the palms of your hands to warm it up before it touches your partner's skin. Cold oil poured on a back will quickly produce about twice as much tension as was there before you started!
There are certain basic message techniques designed to relieve tension, that are very effective. Tension tends to accumulate in the neck, shoulders and upper back in women, and in the lower back and buttocks in men. The really important thing is not how you do the massage. The idea is not to become an expert masseuse or masseur. This is a seduction ritual! Be creative and playful.
The Welcoming Press: With your lover lying face down, straddle him or her or kneel at their side. Gently press down on your partner's shoulders, and on either side of the spine. Do not press directly on the spin at any time during the massage. This stroke gives your partner a few moments to get used to the feeling of your hands on their skin.
The Back Warmer: Now begin to warm your lover's back. With a flat hand, fingers together, palm in contact with the skin, move the hands in parallel lines up either side of the spine, then out and across the shoulders, and down the sides of the torso.
Kneading: Working as deeply as is comfortable for your partner, use your fingers to knead the muscles of the back, starting with the neck and shoulders and working your way down. Go slowly and use additional oil as necessary.
Raking: Spread your fingers and, keeping them somewhat stiff, rake them down the back from shoulders to buttocks. This releases deep, underlying tissue tensions.
Lower Back: The lower back and sacrum (the downward-pointing triangle located between the buttocks at the end of the spine) can become congested and tender, especially in premenstrual women. Lightly massage this area with small, circular strokes on buttocks, hips and upper thighs. With a man, use lower back spirals. Starting at the top of the crack between the buttocks use your thumbs to make small spirals upwards along either side of the tailbone to the top of the sacrum, then press your thumbs along the top of the hips and move them out, across and down the side of the body to the floor. Repeat several times.
Buttocks: Try "Thumbs over the Mountain." Starting at the bottom, press your thumbs firmly into the flesh of the buttocks and follow the curve up, around, and down the side of the hips. This can be a tender and sensitive area, so use only as much pressure as your lover can comfortably tolerate. Return to the first position and move your thumbs apart slightly to describe a second curved line that is parallel to and outside the first, continuing until you have no curve left to follow. Repeat several times.
Thighs: Once you get to your lover's thighs, you may find yourself getting distracted and decide to shift your focus to other kinds of touching. Or you may want to try out some massage strokes of your own design. Or you can ask your partner to turn over and continue the massage with a few more strokes to the front of the body.
Shoulder and Chest Presses: Kneeling behind your partner, as he or she is lying face up, press down on the shoulders and hold. Ask your partner to take a deep, releasing breath, and let the essential oils work their magic as you increase the pressure of your hands slightly. At the end of the exhalation, release. Slide your hands up and over your lover's collar bone and press very gently. Have them take a deep breath as you hold, then release. Now move your hands to the center of the chest, (between a woman's breasts) and, laying one hand on top of the other, press very gently. Have your partner take a deep breath and release.
Sexual Energy Release Points, Neck and Ears: Encourage your lover to breathe in a deep and relaxing manner as you gently massage their neck, making small circles over the release points on the upper neck and about halfway up the ears. If the massage is a prelude to lovemaking, now is a really good time to let the kissing begin. Remember, too, that a woman's breasts are highly charged with erotic energy and can create a dramatic arousal response when massaged or caressed.
Improvise! Well, you're on your own from here. Relax, improvise and be creative, you'll do just fine!
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